Before Sex: 4 Questions to Ask


Sex releases hormones that can strongly influence men and women to feel closer and want to remain connected with their partner. It can be difficult to think straight when emotions are high, but try to work through these 4 questions:

1. What are my values about sex?
Will having sex with the person I have in mind fit with those values? Some key factors to consider are the level of emotional intimacy and the level of commitment that you believe there should be before having sex.

2. How well does my life circumstance fit with the decision to have sex?
If you are committed to someone (married, living with someone, or just in a monogamous relationship) and considering having sex with someone else, it’s important that you think about the problems you might be creating. Similarly, you might want to think about the consequences of having sex with a boss or co-worker, or with a close friend.

3. Is this person a good choice for me?
You may know in your heart that someone you have begun dating or who you are interested in is a poor choice of partner. Perhaps you know the person is a player. Or, that they have an anger problem, an alcohol addiction, or some other issue that you’d be better off staying away from. When you choose to have sex with that person, you will be increasing your sense of intimacy and increasing the likelihood of creating more problems in your life. Even if your libido is telling you to say yes, you might want to overrule its passionate pleas.

4. Is this the right timing for me?
Sometimes, the potential partner seems right, but it’s the timing that is totally wrong. For example, if you’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship, you should think carefully before indulging in a one-night stand or immediately jumping into a relationship with someone new. You might like the new person enough to want to wait until you feel emotionally stable again before entering into a sexual relationship with them. Or, you might realize that you’ve been holding back when you really would be truer to yourself by finally saying yes.

Choosing whether or not to have sex is a very important and personal decision. So, make sure you check in with yourself as you decide whether to jump in or hold back.